Vin Diesel – Missing Link?

The famous primatologist, Jane Goodall, recently revealed the shocking history of Vin Diesel.  According to Goodall, it all started in 1970 when she came across a rather unique chimpanzee who was three years of age.  “Looking into his eyes you could see that this was a very intelligent creature.  Though he would be considered slow by our standards, I was convinced that with enough work the chimp would be able to speak.”

“It was a truly amazing discovery.  He was the link between Homo neanderhalensis and Homo sapiens.  The goal post could no longer be moved, here was living proof.”  At age 10, the subspecies astounded Jane when he picked his own name.  Having an affinity for cars, he chose Vin Diesel after the unique serial numbers assigned to motor vehicles (VIN numbers) and the diesel engine.

By 1990, Jane had made the decision to reveal him to the public.  Afraid that a general populace might find his appearance jarring, she decided to have him take bit parts in movies.  The idea was to ease an audience in. However, she made a mistake with the small part in Steven Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan.  He became too recognizable and began to get offers for leading roles.  Under her guidance, Vin starred in one successful role after another.  After a nasty poo flinging incident lead to a falling out, Vin picked his own films which resulted in The Pacifier.  All was not lost and the two reunited in 2008 when Jane got him back on the right track in Fast & Furious.  With another Fast movie on the way the time has finally come for the truth to come out.  The complete history can be found in Jane’s new book: Vin Diesel See, Vin Diesel Do.

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